STANDING ALONE IN MY POWER

As I sit here writing, a summer storm is raging outside. Heavy rain and hail are beating the ground, wind is buffeting the trees making them sway dizzily, lightning is ripping the clouds and the cacophony of the thunder is making my ears ring.  Are the earth, plants and animals cringing in fear in the face of all of this power?  No, they are not!  They are one with the storm.  The earth greedily drinks the rain, the trees exercise their bodies and exude aromatic smells that sweeten the air.  The plants absorb the hail with acceptance as some of their leaves are ribbed from their bodies.  The animals stand in the trees calmly gazing into the fury.  None are afraid, they are fearless and accepting of the storm’s power as they intuitively know that they are one with it all.

Learning to be as accepting of the storms of life as the natural world has been my lesson of late.  I was afraid when Sky left after 28 years of being together.  Here I am, 70 years old, alone on my 75 remote acres with no running water, wood to cut for heat, roads that don’t get plowed in winter, 3 buildings, 2 greenhouses and a yurt to take care of and maintain, machinery to service 5 dogs to care for and no neighbors to call on if help is needed!  How would I be physically capable of doing all this by myself?  How would I plow the roads in winter, negotiate the mud in Spring, fix things that needed maintenance or were broken?  Take care of my car?  Pay the bills?  I had turned over all these tasks to my husband, was I capable of doing it myself?

Of course it isn’t the first time I have had to face much of this but last time I was 40 years old, not 70!   In 1987 I was left with a 40 acre farm to maintain, but at that time I had a job, money and didn’t live in a remote area.  I had running water, central heat, plowed roads and neighbors!!  Even then I remember that as soon as I got the farm in my divorce, things started breaking and falling apart. The dishwasher broke, the garage door opener broke, trapping my car inside, the tractor broke, on and on. I was beside myself, it was all too much!  In the winter, I didn’t have the tractor for plowing so I had to shovel my long driveway.  I remember struggling to move feet of snow crying the whole time saying, “ I can’t do this!”  But I did, I got it done each snowstorm that winter, sometimes crying the whole time but I kept on going.  I learned to call repair people, deal with everything that needed to be done and fixed and it felt good to stand on my own and manage things, really for the first time in my life!

In the past few months, I have had to call on those memories of coming into my power.  Yes, I CAN do this!  I have done it before and I can do it again, no matter how old I am or what the circumstances are.  I am a powerful woman.  I can bend like the trees in the wind, I can drink the life giving rains, I can appreciate the storms of life as they make me stronger and I can absorb the teachings of nature to just “BE”.  I am not alone, I am surrounded by my brother and sister beings and I am supported in all that I do.  I am not only held by the natural world but by my women friends and sisters who have been there for me when I falter along the path.  I honor them for their love and wisdom and I also honor Sky for setting me on this journey even though I went kicking and screaming in fear and pain.  Without him there would have only been stagnation and no growth.  By his setting me free I am able to stand in my truth and power.

No matter how strong the storms of your life, be fearless in standing in your power.  Be like the trees and bend with the winds, drink in the sweet rain, be serene in the beating hail no matter how many leaves get ripped away and feel the love and support of all that surrounds you.