Personal growth I mean….actualizing the self, becoming who you are meant to be in this life? Well, it ain’t so easy for us humans to jump in the deep end, face our fears, our foibles, our desires dark and light. We are naturally a bit lazy and want things easy and personal growth ain’t always easy. We put it off over and over again or dabble in new age books, spiritual pursuits, religious pursuits, charity, being nice, all on the outside but what are we doing for ourselves on the inside? Are we being honest with ourselves, and I mean totally honest? That is another thing that ain’t easy….whoa, that one feels really scary and very uncomfortable….let’s distract ourselves when that one comes up!!!
I can say these things as I have been confronting myself, dark and light, lately whew….it is intense! To face that fact the I am not totally honest with myself or others all the time….that is a hard one!! I had to confront that one recently when someone questioned my integrity and I got majorly triggered by that as I believe I have impeccable integrity!!! I decided that I had better look deeper as to why that triggered me and I didn’t like what I found. Yup….I sometimes tell little white lies or I exaggerate facts….gulp….crap!!! Caught!!! As uncomfortable as that made me, I was glad to discover it and felt grateful to the person who had doubted me. That incident made me see that a long held belief I had about myself wasn’t entirely true and it gave me the opportunity to forgive myself for not being perfect!! We are all a work in progress after all.
In order to grow and become the best person we can be, we must be willing to look deeply at ourselves and take self responsibility for our thoughts, words and actions. It takes guts and perseverance. It is a journey into self discovery…. into self love in the long run. That is our purpose here, to be able to love ourselves and others unconditionally which is no easy task. It takes guts. To love ourselves, both dark and light is a process.
Do you ever wonder or even notice when something triggers you emotionally? What someone says or does that causes you to feel angry or hurt or sad or even happy? If you pay attention to those moments and become curious, you could find some treasures buried in your psyche. You could uncover flecks of gold that you could bring into the light that will help you learn more about yourself so that you will have fewer triggers.
Another example from my life is this: when someone passes me on a road and I am going the speed limit….it triggers me! I take it personally, “how dare they pass me when I am going the speed limit….I am being a “good girl”. Hmmm, what is that all about? If I take the time to look at that, which is not at all comfortable, I feel as if they are judging me for going to slow when I in fact are not going to slow. The judging piece brings up all kinds of childhood stuff and not being good enough…hmmm that is uncomfortable!!! Me always trying to be good so I won’t be judged. Whoa…..this is all about me and nothing to do with the other guy!! Even though I am sure he must be judging me and I feel badly. Then I get mad and want to speed up to show him that I’m not a poopy driver, that I can drive fast too, so he doesn’t judge me as less. Wow!! This is how we get ourselves into a dizzy over nothing when it is something in us not the other person. All so interesting!!!
Another thing many of us tend to do is re-write our history to make it more in line with what we want to remember instead of what really happened. Another trick in the “I’m not really comfortable with the truth” thing, not facing reality is a good way to not face oneself and our demons. Hmm!
We are so good at pushing uncomfortable things away and covering them up, making excuses, blaming others for our own stuff. How about taking responsibility for your personal growth…These are times of change, look deeply and discover the jewel that is your true self, uncover the gold, it will be worth the pain.
Until next time….can you be wild and truly look deeply inside yourselves and find out WHY something triggers you? Come on….be brave, be wild and learn to grow, that is what this life is all about! 🙂
Sending you all lots of love on your journey.
Photo by Bill Clark inkandaperture.com
Terra Lyn Joy 